steaming some black ops 2. Come hang out!
I cannot be the only person who has noticed this?
Of course I’m talking about the visual side of media in the field that I am very interested in, which is gaming.
I’m trying my damnedest to make a name for myself, but whenever I get any form of attention it’s full of hate and that usually out weighs the good.
Example? A few months ago I had a jealous moment watching someone’s video on YT so i made a rant video, thinking they of all people wouldn’t see it (she has 50k subscribers). Somehow they saw it, then lots of hate came…which is understandable. But then there was a few comments which went to how I look…had nothing to do with the video, just had to be said ” lol you look like a guy” etc.
So after I got this hate, for a video I was planning on taking down anyways, I decided to make an apology video etc…Did I get a sorry off any of the people who had insulted me? No! And still…those comments came. YOU LOOK LIKE A GUY.
YOU LOOK LIKE A GUY.
This comment follows me everywhere. Be it online or in person, I am constantly reminded that my gene pool wasn’t kind to me and that I was given very broad shoulders, and a deep voice (for a girl) and, as much as I hate it, dark hair which appears everywhere unfortunately. How dare I not be in control of what genes I got…I thought these one would make me a hit!
So after this happening on YouTube, at a point where I was becoming fairly confident with myself, after I had decided to do more vlogs to expose my face more etc, I decided that probably wasn’t a good idea. So I thought I would move onto twitch and stream my gameplays with my friends and some music and a tiny segment of facecam. Tonight i was going fine, and I never really get many viewers etc but I had 3 at that point, then I get 2 comments. Both off the same person. One said “Hi.” as I was about to reply they sent “what kind of gender is that?! F****** Hell”. Stream OFF!
This made me feel so bad! I can’t even explain.
Then I think…what am I doing wrong?! Why am I not getting success, or much success.
Then I look at a lot of the female gamer youtubers are successful. and I analyse some stuff, like what they’re posting etc what comments they get etc. Almost all the ones that I am subscribed to (MelonieMac, OpTic MiDNiTE, MsHeartAttackx, CherryRsR etc) all get comments complimenting them on how they look or sound etc. If anyone said anything bad they where jumped on by their fans. Which again I get. (I really don’t want this to come off as a jealousy thing again, I am just pointing out female gamers who I sub to who I think are good looking girls (not in a lesbian way either))
I feel like I am a good commentator/vlogger/streamer. And I get that if you become successful you gotta deal with hate etc. But I aren’t even successful yet and I get hate.
I saw a video of one of the people going on about how they were bullied but I connected and felt how she felt as I had experienced it first hand myself, as many people have. Her response was basically along the lines of “you should know better now you are older” but how can I?! I have had this for 20 years. It should be easy to brush off, but it’s not I really struggle. How can I get successful
I get that a lot of the time it’s also about who you know as well or who you have connections with. But would they be as successful without the attractiveness?
right right right, this could be a pretty bad post to make but it absolutely baffles me! There have been stints where I don’t upload for a week yet gain subs…
This week I’ve uploaded almost everyday and I’m planning on posting every day or almost. I hit 90…thought yeah only 10 more to 100. and then I lost 2 subs
The youtube world baffles me!
Have you ever thought it would be easier to find fame on youtube?
I can promise you its not as easy as you think.
When I first started posting onto youtube videos, after i was convinced after many months of being told to try it by Mikey, Mikey was convinced I would get more subs than him or views just for the fact that I’m a girl.
Where do we stand now?
Mike: Doing YT 13 Months, 271 Subscribers
Me: Doing YT 11 Months, 82 subs and dropping
TBH, I really honestly enjoy doing it! I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t and although I have had help from a few people on Mikey’s close net of subs I have gotten a lot of my subscribers myself! This makes me happy as I wouldn’t want to get anywhere from everyone spamming people with my videos etc!
Or the fact that I am a female gamer! This gets exploited so much and I have got to say how annoying it is to be under this class. I am not a girl gamer. I am just a gamer, who just so happens to be a girl!
It’s similar to when you’re in a game and someone realises you are a girl, then they give you banter telling you how bad you’re going to be or how they’re going to “rape” you (as lovely as a phrase that is)
It’s quite possibly my pet hate when it comes to the world at which I am so passionate about! Although it is highly entertaining when they give you all that chat and you pwn! ;)
Fame in the YT world is a hard thing and that is for sure, as I have said because I would love to become famous and have people interested in what I do on a day to day basis! It’s getting there which is the problem!
It takes dedication and effort and uploading regularly and knowing the right tags and what to put in the description to help people find your videos and I honestly have no clue. I’m so impressed I’ve reached over 80 subscribers from knowing nothing! Humor is another big factor apparently, I’ve gotten quite a few messages through saying that I’m funny and I do honestly consider myself quite a humorous person (not to toot my own horn).
As for the dedication:
I can’t guarantee that I can upload every single day! I just can’t! I have a son and a house to keep tidy (although it slacks sometimes) and I have a job where my hours are always a bit topsy turvy and have to share the computer with my boyfriend as our financial situation is pretty damn difficult at the moment.
Thanks to Melonie Mac, Tony (Mikey’s dad) and a few other people I want to build my own computer! Which of course is an expensive job in itself as well as maintaining it and running it etc. I want to be able to have the equipment we both need to succeed in youtube!
Money plays a big factor in youtube and hopefully something will come from it. I wish I could tell you that this was an easy ride. but it’s not! please and thank you if anyone does read this! and I’m sorry for going off on a ramble, if you watch my videos you know this already.
If you have any advice for me about this topic please feel free to offer it to me and I’ll catch you on the next one guys!
Wow…it’s been a while since i’ve posted a blog on here.
well posted a blog in general!
I did have a blog on tumblr originally around 3 years ago under the name username (rachhrl) i had a few followers but nothing special and didn’t post anything in particular, just random stuff, just random resposts and whatnot.
in May of 2013 I started posting to a youtube channel (I’m sorry if you have come from my youtube you obviously know all of this.
Somedays I don’t have time to post videos although I do try my best to upload regularly!
I thought this blog could be a good way for me to keep up to date with stuff when I don’t have time to post!
my basics? I’m level 23, have a almost 1 year old son, I love to play games on the playstation, my inspirations towards gaming are OpTic MiDNiTE & Melonie Mac, i post as often as I can, my preferred game type is FPS but I do give other games a try. I would love to be a famous youtuber and hope one day my dream comes true!
I hope you enjoy my blog and spread the word!
check you on the next one!’